The Magnificent 7: A Ranking of AHS Characters

The Magnificent 7...In Sandra’s opinion, anyway. I am one of the few people I know who have been a consistent fan of every season of American Horror Story. Granted, I don’t love each season equally. I have my favorites (Coven) and least favorites (Asylum) yet, I still stand by my claim of liking every season of this show. Therefore, I thought it would be fun to share with all the Blood-lusters out there my most beloved characters from the seasons thus far. And why not pick 7, in keeping with the AHS theme? I can’t wait to see if anyone from Cult makes the list, eventually.


7. Agnes Mary Winstead - "The Butcher" (Season 7, AHS: Roanoke)

AMW 7.jpg

Kathy Bates acts her bloomers off in this one; as Agnes, she’s hilarious. The poor woman became obsessed with the “connection” she felt to her character, "The Butcher." Remember how she attacked tourists on the streets of Hollywood?! I loved the overall meta thing that was going on with the whole season, and her portrayeal of a jaded actress was the epitome of it. However, when she donned her period attire, the woman came across as a humorless, stone-cold killer. Kathy Bates freakin’ rules. I’ll always support an evil Matriarch.

6. Fiona Goode (Season 3, AHS: Coven)

F 6.jpg

Speaking of evil matriarchs, we can’t forget about my favorite offering from Jessica Lange. Fiona Goode is a complicated lady, to say the least. Most of the time, I couldn’t decide if I loved or hated her, which is a testament to Lange's stellar acting abilities. She could be a confident, brash, charismatic leader of Witches in one scene, and the next, a pitiful woman who knew she sucked as a mom and was petrified of aging/dying. Bless the AHS crew for ALWAYS giving us plenty of meaty roles for ladies. But this one is probably the best. Probably.

5. The Countess - aka Elizabeth (Season 5, AHS: Hotel)

TC 5.jpg

You didn’t think I would ignore this lovely lady, did you? Talk about layers! The Countess was her own magical creature, never mind the fact she’s also a vampire; she’s bisexual, beautiful, gory, vulnerable, cunning, fashionable, frightening, nurturing, powerful, a fighter...I mean, my god, must I really go on?? In short, don’t hate, appreciate.

4. Dandy Mott (Season 4, AHS: Freakshow)

DM 5.jpg

What a weirdo. A handsome, yet, spoiled mama’s boy who refuses to escape the incredibly creepy land of make-believe he calls home. He and his mom purchase people to be his playthings. He has a lust for murder. He picks a killer clown to be his mentor. He drinks cognac from a crystal cup with a baby bottle nipple on it. This may be the most disturbed man-child ever, but Dandy sure made for some compelling, repulsive, and hilarious TV.

3. Papa Legba (Season 3, AHS: Coven)

PL 4.JPG

Ahhh, my celebrity crush. Papa made for a great addition to the third season of AHS. He was scary, of course, but not without his charms. An old, manipulative spirit with a hankering for tasty, tasty, souls. You can’t say he’s unfair or dishonest! You just gotta be careful what you wish for, kids! Piercing red eyes, face paint, magic powers, and a fancy hat are all it takes to worm your way into my heart.

2. Tate Langdon (Season 1, AHS: Murder House)

TL 4.jpg

Let’s not get it twisted, this dude is a psychopath. However, his character is what really drew me into this first season becuase I had to know how his story ended. I felt for him; Tate is disturbed, but charming. He was the first hint of what characters still to come for this season would be like, as well as all that have followed, thus far. You can easily both like and despise these characters Ryan Murphy creates for us. You can also expect to have unreliable narrators, who paint themselves as tragic heroes in their own warped stories.

1. Liz Taylor (Season 5, AHS: Hotel)

 AMERICAN HORROR STORY -- "Be Our Guest" Episode 512 (Airs Wednesday, January 13, 10:00 pm/ep) Pictured:  Denis O'Hare as Liz. CR: Prashant Gupta/FX

All hail the Queen! Liz got under my skin in a way that is RARE for a television character to accomplish. She was the den mother to the band of lost souls drifting around The Cortez. Her life had not been easy, and she was certainly not without her faults. Liz doled out wisdom, tough love, and a message of self-acceptance. The lady is a survivor. I will be forever grateful that Liz Taylor got the happy ending, and love she deserved at the end of her season.


Honorable Mentions

JM 1.jpg

James March (Season 5, AHS: Hotel)

This character would probably have been downright boring in the hands of another actor but luckily, Evan Peters turned this murder-obsessed creep into someone you would actually want to hang out and have a brandy with on Devil’s Night. He was so damn funny, despite being really disturbing.

 
D&B.jpg

Dot & Bea Tattler (Season 4, AHS: Freakshow)

Sarah Paulson is an AMAZING actress so I feel guilty her characters don’t feature more prominently on my list. She deserves all the acting awards ever. Period. Her turn as the Tattler twins was astounding to watch, and each girl was so different, so unique. They had my compassion without being pitiful. Plus they’re a couple of the rare instances of characters from this show who actually get a happy ending.


sandra.png