Flatliners, The Shape of Water, Leatherface, The Ritual

I'm back, y'all! And kinda sick, which means I get to lay in bed & watch trailers. First up, oh look, it's my cinematic doppelgänger, Ellen Page. You don't do horror movies, darlin'. Ah, it's a big-budget Hollywood remake. I see.

This looks pretty stinkaroo to me. And not scary! Blah. How about instead we take Kevin Bacon out of all his scenes through the magic of technology & replace him with Ellen Page? Actually, I like Diego Luna, too. Let's swap Julia Roberts out for him.

Opens September 29, 2017

Next up, a new one from Guillermo del Toro, The Shape of Water. Just a head's up - this one seems to reveal an awful lot about the plot.

Man, Sally Hawkins & Michael Shannon are in everything this year. Can't complain, since they're both great, as is the rest of the cast. I especially love Richard Jenkins. And we know it's going to be pretty, considering who made it. The story just seems a little hackneyed & unoriginal to me. Unless the trailer is purposely misleading...

Opens December 8, 2017

I can comfortably say I was not clamoring for an origin movie about Leatherface, but here we are. At least this one has some talent behind it - the directing duo Julien Maury & Alexandre Bustillo, who brought us the ultra gory french slasher Inside (À l’intérieur, if you're fancy).

You know something? These guys just might be the perfect successors to Tobe Hooper. The violence in Inside evokes a similar kind of visceral shock that makes the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre an enduring classic. As a bonus, there are some subtle winks to the original to be found here, mostly in the sound design. Looks promising enough to make me forgive the presence of Stephen Dorff.

Opens October 20, 2017

Last one for the day is The Ritual, based on the 2011 novel by Adam Nevill, & directed by David Bruckner (V/H/S, The Signal, Southbound).

I'm all over this one. Love David Bruckner, love creepy pagan stuff out in the woods, & I've heard lots of good stuff about the book. Sign me up!

Opens in UK October 13, 2017. No US release date yet.

Okja, What the Waters Left Behind, Primal Screen, Awaken the Shadowman

A new Bong Joon Ho movie is always a cause for celebration, & this one looks to be no exception. Some of the snobby Cannes crowd may have been complaining about Netflix releasing features, but I say bring it on. You can watch this one is the comfort of your own home June 28. 

Love the song, love love love the cast, not so sure about that CGI. Whatever. When the guy who made The Host, Mother & Snowpiercer comes out with a new movie, you just watch it.

Up next we have another feature debuting at Cannes, this one from Argentina. No release date as yet, but we'll keep you posted.

Looks to be an ultra-violent backwoods slasher. Not always my jam, & though there seems to be some weirdness here, I'm not sure it'll be enough to pique my interest.

This one's coming out in just a couple days, provided you subscribe to Shudder. With all the originals Shudder is creating & movies they're buying up (like Kuso!!), that subscription is looking more & more like a necessity. This is the new Rodney Ascher (Room 237, The Nightmare) documentary, & it premieres June 9.

It looks super cool, but so did the trailers for his other two docs, & I was very unsatisfied with both of them. I won't be moving this to the top of my queue any time soon.

Last up, Beware the Slenderman. Wait, that's not right. Awakening the Zodiac, the new movie about the Zodiac Killer. No, that's not it, either. Ah, its Awaken the Shadowman, & if you can manage to remember the name you can look for it on July 25.

Wait a tick - is that Designing Women's own Jean Smart? Well, I'll be damned. Still seems to be a strong southern woman, so that's nice. This looks derivative & silly, sure, but also fairly creepy. And I will pretty much watch any halfway decent-looking movie about evil cults, so basically that + Jean Smart = me watching this.

8989 Redstone, The Beguiled, Replace, Dig Two Graves

Here we are again with some new trailers. First up, another movie set in the ruins of Detroit. Joy. But wait, this one's found footage! The guy who made it seems to have directed every single comedy special of the past five years. I have zero idea how that will translate to horror.

Lots of things going on there. You gotta appreciate a trailer that includes de-gloving. Yeesh. With that, the hair-eating & the burned lady, I'd say this miiiight be the kind of dumb fun movie that's perfect for those nights when you don't feel like thinking too hard. Especially since it's available for free on streaming platforms.

Next up, the new offering from Sofia Coppola, who hasn't made a full-length feature since The Bling Ring. This one gets a limited release June 23. A word of warning - the trailer seems to give a lot away, so proceed with caution.

This certainly seems like a departure for the director, though it's nice to see Kirsten Dunst, who appeared in Coppola's best movie, The Virgin Suicides, back in front of her camera. That being said, I'm not the world's biggest Sofia Coppola fan. Couple that with the presence of Colin Farrell, who I find icky, & that equals waiting till VOD for me.

Let's go a bit lower budget for our next trailer, shall we? This one is set to open some time in 2017, & it appears to be about a lady who is badly in need of some moisturizer.

That was some gnarly... penetration there. Heh. Gross. Seems a lot like other recent female-centric body horror flicks, which are great when they hit, but can be a real drag when they don't. I'd say wait & check out some reviews.

And finally, a movie that's already available on demand, but not on free streaming platforms yet. Let's see if it looks worth shelling out the extra $$.

Ooh, yes to black magic rituals! Plus, who doesn't like Buffalo Bill? Something about that weird voice. I'ma watch this, hopefully enjoy me a creepy hillbilly tale.

That's all for this time, kids. But don't fret - I'll be back soon with good tidings of scary movies for all. Meantime, let me know what you think about this bunch. 

- AP

The Crucifixion, Hounds of Love, It Stains the Sands Red, Besetment

Welcome to the inaugural edition of our new Coming Attractions blog, where we'll share new trailers with you, then we can all have some coffee & discuss. No big whoop.

Let's kick this off with some good old fashioned exorcisin'. The Crucifixion is made by Xavier Gens, who brought us Frontier(s) (that's good), but as you'll see from the trailer it's brought to us by the producer of Annabelle & The Conjuring 2 (that's bad). No official release date yet, but it's slated to come out in 2017.

Meh. Looks like a lot of jumps scares, though there's some interesting imagery in there. Like that horrendous case of pubic lice! The whole Based on a True Story thing kind of bothers me in movies like this, or The Exorcism of Emily Rose. It's not cool to use real people with epilepsy or mental illness as a springboard for your mediocre horror movies, kids. Remember Auntie Amy told you that.

And now for some real-life horror - another grim Australian ripped from the headlines flick. This one's kind of cheating, as it's available on VOD now. Also because it's more true crime-y than horror-y, if we're being picky about such things. Anyway, I know lots of people who have seen it, & it seems like a tough but worthwhile watch.

That's an intense trailer, no?

Okay, on to something a little newer. This one caught my eye because of its bitchin' title, but lo & behold it's made by Colin Minihan, the director of the Grave Encounters movies. No definite release date for this one yet.

Not too badsies, eh? Can't say I'm dying for another zombie movie, but I'll give it a go. The first Grave Encounters was pretty dece, I thought. Not sure if I watched the second one or not...

Okay, last one - on the opposite end of the cool title spectrum (aka the shitty end) we have Besetment, which comes to VOD June 6.

So, it's an overbearing mother & her son running a hotel, is it? Huh. Seems like well-worn territory to me. And did that suspicious woman just say her name was Millie Coven? Think I'll pass on this puppy.

That'll do it for this, my very first Coming Attractions post. Remember it fondly. Better yet, let me know if you're looking forward to any of these.