Horror movie reviews artfully conducted by four classy broads and one token dude.

The Bloodlust 12/4/23 The Bloodlust 12/4/23

240 | Rare Exports

Director: Jalmari Helander

Writers: Jalmari Helander, Juuso Helander

Stars: Jorma Tommila, Peeter Jakobi, Onni Tommila

Synopsis: On the border of Finland and Russia, 486 meters deep within the Korvatunturi mountains, lies a long-buried secret of Christmas. After a group of excavators unearth this secret, the nearby village learns that some secrets should remain buried. With so few Christmas-themed horror movies to choose from, Rare Exports is a wonderful holiday treat!

Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale

$17.99

Starring Jorma Tommila, Peeter Jakobi, Onni Tommila

Buy on Amazon

We're back next time with our review of Eli Roth's Thanksgiving

The Bloodlust 1/29/17 The Bloodlust 1/29/17

64 | Split

Director/Writer: M. Night Shyamalan

Stars: James McAvoy, Anya Taylor-Joy, Betty Buckley

Synopsis: Three teenage girls are kidnapped by a deeply disturbed man suffering from Dissociative Identity Disorder. As the girls try to figure a way out of their predicament, we learn there is a new, seriously more dangerous identity that has yet to reveal itself.

Next up, we veer off the beaten trail a tad as we review the recently released HBO documentary, Beware the Slenderman. It's a perfect blend of our two loves: horror and true crime. So go and convince someone to share their HBO Now passwork with you and check out this movie before our next episode.

The Bloodlust 4/3/16 The Bloodlust 4/3/16

Recap: HorrorHound Weekend - Cincinnati, OH

Facebook | Twitter

This was The Bloodlust's first HorrorHound weekend and it was a successful blast. Without naming names, I can say that two of the three Bloodlust attendees ending up puking (Jamie didn't!). One of The Bloodlust attendees got to meet that guy from Daredevil (Jamie did!). But on a totally, more professional note...we saw some great vendors, met some cool people, and saw some really great horror shorts (I'm going to make the statement that the feature films could've been better). Will we do HorrorHound again? You betcha! It was a really fun weekend and we look forward to meeting more of you next time!

Double-click to edit...

The Bloodlust 12/1/15 The Bloodlust 12/1/15

35 | Goodnight Mommy

Directors: Severin Fiala, Veronika Franz

Writers: Severin Fiala, Veronika Franz

Stars: Susanne Wuest, Lukas Schwarz, Elias Schwarz

Synopsis: Elias and Lukas are twin brothers who start to notice things have gone a bit amiss ever since their mother came home from facial surgery. They believe that she has been replaced by someone else and are now on a mission to find out who the intruder is. Seems like such a simple story.

Next up, we'll be covering another horror-comedy (I know we said we weren't going to but we're liars). The winner for the next movie will be The Final Girls. Give her a watch, tell us what you think/ask questions, and then listen to our review! Tis so easy.

The Bloodlust 9/20/15 The Bloodlust 9/20/15

30 | Sinister 2

Sinister 2
Director: Ciarán Foy
Writers: Scott Derrickson, C. Robert Cargill
Starring: Shannyn Sossamon, James Ransone, Robert Daniel Sloan, Dartanian Sloan
Synopsis: Picking up from where Sinister left off, now Ex Deputy So & So is tracking down and destroying all the Bughuul murder houses. But he's stopped short when he learns the next house on his list is already occupied by a woman and her two children. Not one to walk away from a family being harassed by Bughuul and his gang of evil kids, Ex Deputy So & So sticks around to help the family before it becomes too late.

Did you know there's a real-life Bughuul? Well there is and we've found him. Turns out he's been passing himself off as the lead guitarist of Slipknot. Honestly, now that we've seen the almost 100% resemblance, Bughuul is even less frightening and not all that original. I'm not even going to label which is which.

Join us next time as we "celebrate" the return of M. Night Shyamalan by watching his newest movie, The Visit. His track record is pretty spotty so we don't even have a guess as to how this new one is going to turn out. Till next time!

The Bloodlust 2/26/15 The Bloodlust 2/26/15

16 | Starry Eyes

What's this character's name?? Oh yeah...Sarah...they say it a million times.

Starry Eyes
Directors: Kevin Kolsch, Dennis Widmyer
Stars: Alex Essoe, Amanda Fuller, Noah Segan
Synopsis: Sarah is doing her best to make it big in Hollywood but, unfortunately, her personal demons (and possibly her job at Big Taters) are making it nearly impossible. That is, until she gets a callback from the folks at Astreaus Pictures. Maybe now is her chance to finally be the big star she always dreamed she would be. But is the sacrifice going to be too much for her?

What'd we think of Starry Eyes?
(Out of 5 stars)

Catch us next time when we cover the film Housebound. Do we love it? Do we hate it? You'll have to tune in to find out. In the meantime, check out the trailer and see if that does anything for you.

The Bloodlust 2/15/15 The Bloodlust 2/15/15

15 | Martyrs

Martyrs
Released: 9/25/2008
Director & Writer: Pascal Laugier
Starring: Morjana Alaoui, Mylene Jampanoi, Catherine Begin
Synopsis: A young woman, Lucie, tracks down the family who may or may not have held her captive and tortured her when she was a child. Things quickly spiral out of control and Lucie enlists the help of her close lady-friend, Anna. However, the monsters that Lucie is fighting become too strong and soon Anna is left alone to pick up the pieces. This alone could be a perfectly acceptable synopsis for a movie, right? Well not this movie. You barely have time to digest the events that unfold in the first "part" of this film before you are forced to experience a whole new level of depravity. It's a feel-good flick for the whole family to enjoy!

What'd we think of Martyrs?
(Out of 5 stars)

Our next episode will cover Starry Eyes, a film about one woman's desperate journey to make it big in Hollywood. Unfortunately for our main character, talent is no longer enough to succeed as an actress.

The Bloodlust 2/8/15 The Bloodlust 2/8/15

14 | Tusk

Tusk
Released: September 19, 2014
Director: Kevin Smith
Writer: Kevin Smith
Starring: Michael Parks, Justin Long, Haley Joel Osment

Synopsis: Wallace Bryton, played by Justin Long, is an obnoxious, douchebaggy host of a popular podcast show, whose premise is that Justin Long travels around, interviewing people from popular/viral youtube videos and then comes home and describes everything to his soft friend, Teddy Croft (Haley Joel Osment). After the kid Wallace traveled to Canada to interview (the "Kill Bill Kid") kills himself, Wallace is forced to come up with another idea for their podcast episode. Enter Michael Parks as Howard Howe, a strange recluse who is looking for someone to tell his many stories to. Wallace takes him up on the offer and soon finds himself a prisoner in Howe's crazy walrus fantasy. Yes, you heard correctly...Howard has a walrus fantasy. He wants (and eventually succeeds) to turn Wallace into a walrus. Was this a horror movie or a comedy? Whatever it is, I'm sure this will be the last time I watch it.

What'd we think of Tusk?
(Out of 5 stars)

Here are a few of our favorite quotes from Michael Parks' character, Howard Howe:

“I believe we are all tea people.”

— Howard Howe

“Cute? Cute is for Chinese babies, Mr. Bryton. My walrus companion was beautiful.”

— Howard Howe

“Typical spider...legion of legs.”

— Howard Howe

“Is man, indeed, a walrus at heart?”

— Howard Howe

We aren't the only ones who happen to think that mustachioed Justin Long looks a helluva lot like Carrie Brownstein dressed as a man. Once again, the internet has come through and proven itself to be wonderful.

Next, we'll be giving our much-requested opinion on, what is often listed as a rather disturbing movie, Martyrs. We're really going out on a limb here by asking Karen to watch it but, who knows...maybe she'll like it.

The Bloodlust 1/18/15 The Bloodlust 1/18/15

11 | American Mary

American Mary

Released: 9/20/2012
Directors & Writers: Jen & Sylvia Soska
Starring: Katharine Isabelle, Antonio Cupo, Tristan Risk

Struggling med school student, Mary, finds herself in the world of underground body modification surgery as a way to make some quick money. After a vicious attack by one of her professors, Mary falls deeper into this bizarre world of split tongues and sub-dermal implants. Not only is she the underground community's go-to surgeon, but Mary has a dark secret of her own hidden away. Eventually, Mary's handiwork catches up to her and we're left to wonder whether it was all worth it.

What'd we think of American Mary?
(Out of 5 stars)

Next, we'll be watching another attempt at horror from Kevin Smith. That's right, we'll be watching Tusk. So that you can prepare yourself for...whatever this movie is, here is the trailer: