The Nameless

1999 / Rated R

 

Director: Jaume Balagueró

 

Writers: Jaume BalagueróRamsey Campbell (story)

Stars: Emma VilarasauKarra ElejaldeTristán Ulloa

 

 I think this is also the title of a Pantera album. Got some weird images when I Googled it.

Look guys, I'm gonna be honest with you - I don't really care for writing anymore. I used to do a fair amount of it, but it was never an easy process for me. If there's such a thing as pathologically indecisive, I'm that, in spades. Example: coloring books upset me as a child, because I couldn't commit to making the dog house red if the kid's shirt was also gonna be red, or what have you. I'd just sit there staring back and forth between the page and my box of crayons and give myself an ulcer. And so it is when I sit in front of an open blog post. By the time I figure out the exact perfect wording I've totally forgotten my point. 

Which is why I like doing the podcast. Why spend hours fretting over a paragraph when you can just drink beer and run your mouth and record it? But Jamie says "site traffic" this and "Google Analytics" that and blah blah blah, and here I am. So, this movie.

This is the first feature from the fella who made [Rec], but you wouldn't really know it. That movie was fast-paced and stylish, and this one is awkward and clunky. Either he improved a ton by 2007 when [Rec] came out or the found-footage style really helps to mask his flaws as a director. Then again, he also directed all the [Rec] sequels, so maybe the original was just a fluke.

Here's the trailer, but the version I watched was subtitled, not dubbed. It was those nice big yellow ones, too. Thanks for that, Netflix.

Plot: A woman gets a phone call from her daughter, which is awful sweet of her, except she's been dead for four years. This is a pretty standard murder mystery involving a creepy cult, with some horror-style imagery and editing thrown in. Oh, and they say 'eeeevil' a bunch of times.

You know how usually American remakes are the worst idea? I might be interested in seeing this one. The idea is promising (yes please to evil cults), but the execution ain't. Maybe somebody could take the seed of the idea and make a better movie out of it. Heck, Mr. Balaguero himself could probably do a much better job with the material nowadays.

Bottom Line: Meh. I've definitely made worse impulse Netflix choices, but don't make this one a priority.

Anybody else out there seen this one? What'd you think? Any others questions/comments/concerns? Care to venture a guess how long it took me to write this teeny tiny review? Let me know!

-AP